Happy New Year!

In this time of happiness and celebration, many people gather together with their families.  Whether you're rich or poor, fat or skinny, messy or neat, you can't help but look forward to the new year with optimism.  It's like a deep feeling, welling up inside you, that maybe this year, things will change.  Maybe this year, you'll finally get a better job, maybe this year, you'll finally lose some weight, maybe this year, you'll finally start keeping up with the household.

It's those maybes that spawn what we like to call "New Year's Resolutions."  It's the (usually incorrect) assumption that, just because the calendar says 2011 instead of 2010, that somehow it will make us able to do what we haven't been able to do for the last [insert random number] years.

I've always secretly mocked people who make New Year's Resolutions.  I've always thought of them as being stupid and pointless (the resolutions, not the people.... mostly).  It's not that I think I'm better than [most] of them, it's just that I see people making these resolutions, and then nothing ever changes.  What is it about a day on a calendar that makes us suddenly think we can unlearn what has become sometimes years upon years of bad behavior?  You can't suddenly get that job you wanted simply because it's one year later than it was the last time you said you were going to get that job you wanted.

Nothing is going to change unless YOU change it.  I guess that's what irritates me so much.  The New Year doesn't imbue you with magical powers to deal with stuff you haven't dealt with yet in your life.  You are the only one who can change the way you act and live your life, and no particular day of the year is going to help.  It could be August 15th, and you could change your life starting that day.

So, remember, if you decide to make a New Year's Resolution, it's up to YOU and no one else to see it through.  You have to make some serious life changes in order to pull off what you want to pull off, and you're the only one who can make those changes.

But don't let that discourage you from trying.  Even if you only get halfway to your goal, you're still farther than you were before, and every step in the right direction is a step away from your old behaviors.

Good luck in the New Year, and I'll see you on the flip-side.

Merry Christmas and all that!

RAWWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! 

Now that I've got your attention, how was your Christmas?!?  Mine was better than expected.  I usually have a series of mishaps that occur RIGHT before Christmas, and this year was no different.  We broke both axles on our car.  Yes, BOTH.  At the same time.  I have no idea how.  We're just driving along, and all of a sudden, we hear this clanking noise, and we're like "UH-OH, THAT'S BAD!"  So we pull over and look under the car, thinking something might be falling off of it (highly likely) but we don't see anything, so we go home.  The next day Husband takes the car to the repair shop, and the guy is like "U BROKED BOTH AXLEZ.  U IZ DUM."  Or something.  I wasn't there to hear what he actually said.  So yeah.  Yaaaaay Christmas!

We went to Husband's parents' house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and the day after Christmas as well (they just live about 20 minutes away).  His sister, her husband, and their son were in town, which was nice since we don't usually get to see them.  Their son (Aven) is 5 years old.  Remember that.

So on Christmas morning, we're all gathered in the family room, ready to open presents.  It was decided that Aven should be the one to hand out everyone's presents, and he was more than willing to do so.  Everything went more or less fine, until about halfway through, Aven came across a present for Husband's grandmother, who is severely disabled.  He tried to hand it to her, but she couldn't take it from him, so someone said "Help her unwrap it."  Remember what I said in the last paragraph?

So, Aven, being the awesome little 5-year-old that he is, unwraps the present for her, and it's a box.  He flips it over, looking for a way to open the box, and the next thing you know.........

Broken glass all over the floor.  Poor Aven was traumatized.  The box had some kind of glass ornament in it, and when he flipped it over, it opened and the ornament shattered all over the floor.

So yeah, he cried for like 10 minutes, and refused to wear the Santa hat he had been wearing all morning.  I feel sorry for my sister-in-law, who probably spent a lot of money on what must have been a really nice ornament (it had a certificate of authenticity and everything), and I feel sorry for Aven, who will probably never be able to open another Christmas present again (I'm kidding, he's fine really), but man... I have to admit, it was funny.  XD  Maybe I'm demented, but I caught the whole thing on video, and I went back and watched that part again, and it was just so funny, the CRASH of glass on tile, then Aven's face of "OMFG WHAT DID I JUST DO?!?!"  Lol I'm laughing just thinking about it.  I'm so screwed up.

Holy FRAK I am out of shape! And photos of me as a kid. O_o;

Just did 2 whole minutes of cardio.  HELL YEAH!!!!

Now I feel like I'm going to die.

*headdesk*

I do really want to lose weight, though.  I've been overweight for about 10 years, and while I haven't gained any major weight in two or three years, I haven't lost any major weight either.  I fluctuate between about 201 and 205, which would be okay if I was taller, but I'm pretty short, so it's more of a problem.

I know cardio can be a problem for people of any weight, if you're out of shape.  Even skinny people have a hard time running any distance if their hearts are used to being at a resting pace.

I would like to be skinnier, but mostly I would just like to be healthier.  I would like to NOT get out of breath from doing 2 minutes of cardio, or from carrying desktop computers up and down ladders at work.  I don't necessarily want to be a size 6 (although that would be awesome if I could pull it off), I just want to be in good enough shape that I can do the basic things that are required of me on a daily basis without feeling like a fat tub of lard.  I always feel so ashamed that I get out of breath from carrying a laptop down a ladder, or from carrying a printer up to the register for a customer.  I just feel like they're going to judge me for being fat and out of shape.  I don't know why their opinions matter so much to me, as most of them I will never see again.  I guess it's more my opinion of myself that I'm superimposing on other people.

I used to be super skinny as a kid.

[2-hour gap here, where I got side-tracked looking through old photos, then restoring the following ones to post here.]

 This is me in a brand new birthday dress, around age 6 or 7.  My mom used to hand-make all my dresses; I didn't appreciate them when I was little, but I hope to give some of my dresses to my own daughter someday.

 This is me at a Christmas play when I was around 9 or 10, I think.  I didn't want to be in it because I was super shy, but I remember liking it in the long run.

 

 I think in this one I was also about 7 years old.  This was taken at Mount Desert Island in Maine, which is a park that we used to have a timeshare at.  We used to go for about a week or two out of every year, and I loved it.  Huge cliffs right down to the ocean, great cross-country skiing, tons of bike trails in the summer, great stuff.  If you've never been, go there.

 Me and my brother reading the Saturday comics.  This was how our Saturdays typically went... we got to sleep in, and woke up to Saturday morning cartoons (pretty much the only day of the week that cartoons aired... stupid spoiled-rotten kids these days with their Cartoon Network and their Nickelodeon), then we either had soup or PB&J sandwiches while reading the comics.

If you notice the window, you can barely make out the next door neighbor's shed in all the snow.  :)

Even in middle school I was still pretty thin.  I think this was my 8th grade photo.  Middle school was horrible, in ways you couldn't possibly imagine, and I was so glad to get out of there.  But if I could go back and do it again, I would do it in a heartbeat, to be a better friend to one particular person.  I know she appreciated the friendship we had, but I know I could have done a better job.

Okay, I promise I'm done posting old photos.  :)

Got Tangled... Cut Hair.

Husband and I went to see "Tangled" yesterday, and it was AMAZING!!!  If you haven't gone to see it yet, go see it.  I can just about guarantee you won't regret it.  It was such a good movie, and Rapunzel is my new favorite Disney princess.  :)  I've been doing sketches of her all afternoon.  XD  My favorite parts are the dance sequence in town (OMFG AWESOME BRAID) and the part toward the end with Maximus "how fast can you run??"  *sigh*  I need to see this movie again.  :D

It's funny because up until now, "The Little Mermaid" was my all-time favorite Disney princess movie, and now it's "Tangled."  I say it's funny because Ariel and Rapunzel were designed by the same guy, Glen Keane.  :)  I didn't find that out until after I'd seen the movie, but I think I would have been 10 times more excited to go see it if I had known that beforehand.

And then today I went and chopped all my hair off.  I'm sure the two things aren't related.  >.>

I'm still alive, and flooding is awesome

Yes it's true, I'm still alive.  No, I didn't forget about this blog (for all my one reader who may or may not have been wondering), but I've been SICK SICK SICK and busy too.  Lots of work, lots of cold medication, and I just haven't felt like posting.

But I'm back!  And I have to say, although this might sound weird, I LOVE it when it rains so much that creeks overflow.  I do.  I don't know why.  But whenever I see a creek or a river flooding, I'm like "OMG THAT'S SO COOL!"

There's this creek by my house, and it's usually really boring.  It's practically stagnant, kinda lame... kinda like this:

The creek is kinda like "Meh... I'm a creek... I think.  I might just be a urine stream..."  But then we had two whole days of torrential downpours, and all the water ran down out of the mountains, and pretty much all of it ran into this one stupid little boring creek.  So now it kinda looks like this...

It totally flooded all over the freaking place, and it's currently about 1200000% wider than it was three days ago.  Approximately.

There is also a golf course near my house that usually has 3 small ponds.  It usually looks like this...

But right now it kind of looks like this...

So yeah, all the bodies of water near my house are totally roid raging right now.  Since no one has really been hurt by this (people who attempt to golf may drown...) I think it's totally freaking awesome.

So that's what's been going on around these parts.  I will probably post again in a few days.  Til then, see ya!

Crazy dreams

Usually I have really crazy dreams.  I mean, REALLY crazy dreams.  Dreams where I sometimes wake up laughing because they're so absurd.  Lately I've been having bad dreams, usually about my orange goldfish Disco dying.  With those dreams, I wake up and rush into the living room to make sure she's alright.  It's always Disco and she always dies horribly, and the dreams are so realistic, they'll haunt me for days.

Last night was not one of those dreams.  Last night I dreamed that Ponyo got kidnapped by McDonald's in a conspiracy to sell filet o' fish sandwiches with goldfish meat in them!!  Yes.  McDonald's.  This absurd dream probably had something to do with the fact that I recently watched a documentary called "The Cove."  (disclaimer: DON'T watch that documentary.)  It was about this village in Japan where they annually slaughter hundreds and thousands of dolphins, then they package the nearly worthless meat as expensive whale meat, even though it exceeds the legal limit of mercury by over 900%.  The people doing the documentary sneaked into the area and filmed them slaughtering the dolphins, and they showed it, which is why I say don't watch it.

So yeah.  My brain interpreted that as "McDonald's is going to kidnap your goldfish and cook them into sammiches!!!!"  In the dream I was understandably very upset, trying to get into their goldfish factory to find my poor Pon-Pon, but they distracted me with Iron Man and a guy in a wheelchair.  :(  Bastards...

Interesting night last night... and I woke up this morning with an idea for an awesome Best Buy commercial!

Went walking with Husband last night.  It was about 40 degrees Fahrenheit so we only went a half-mile instead of a mile, you know, before we froze to death.  We had an interesting conversation though.  I don't remember what got us on that topic, but we started talking about how Olivia Wilde had left the TV show House.  Husband mentioned that she had been in a lot of other things lately, and I reminded him about Tron coming out soon.  Then I explained to him how Olivia Wilde is hot as hell and how I would totally leave him for her if she asked.  Or at least have a steamy affair.

Husband seemed pleased.  ^_^  Maybe even slightly amused.

But she is hot as hell.

Anyway, nothing's better after a half-mile walk than to go to the grocery store and buy... chocolate and caffeine. And that's totally what we did.  We may as well not have walked at all.  But the chocolate was yummy.  AND I found a 3-pack of my favorite type of gum: Extra Mint Chocolate Chip!!  So excited!!  I'm like a gum connoisseur.  I always have gum on me.  My favorite brand is Extra, and I like 3 flavors by them: Mint Chocolate Chip for one, Sweet Watermelon, and Classic Bubble.  Although the flavor of Classic Bubble doesn't last nearly as long as the watermelon or mint chocolate chip; but I guess that's what makes it "classic." ~_^

So yeah.  Me with caffeine and chocolate that late at night is like a 5-year-old on speed.  I tormented Husband for a while, then went to play WoW until 6am.

When I woke up this morning, I came up with the most awesome idea for a Best Buy commercial!  But I can't tell you, because it's my idea and I thought of it first!  >_O  But I wrote it out, and I'll probably email it to corporate or something and be like "LUV MY IDEA KTHXBAI."

Maybe they would pay me for it.  o_o  Then I could afford things like groceries and fish food and stuff like that!

I almost DIED last night!!

After I posted yesterday's blog at 3am this morning, I went about doing my end-of-night things, which includes logging on to WoW and scanning the auction house, and putting up anything that I was going to sell, which can take quite a while.  While I was doing this, Husband decided he was going to make some ramen, because what's better at 3:30am than ramen?  Nothing, apparently.  So he puts a pan on the stove with some water in it, and goes back into the bedroom.

A few minutes later, I smell something weird.  At first I thought that maybe he was using a burner that hadn't been used since the last time I cleaned the stove, and that it was just the smell of the cleaner burning off.  That thought lasted for about a half-second, when my brain reminded me that it didn't smell like burning cleaner, it smelled more like candle smoke.  I happened to have a candle burning directly in front of me (Village Candle's Creamy Vanilla, go buy one!   They are awesome!!) but it wasn't excessively smoky or anything, so I had another half-second of confusion.  Then I decided I should probably just go check to see what the smell was, so I got up and went into the kitchen.

The stove was ON FIRE.  Husband had started the wrong burner, and the one he actually started was sitting underneath the pizza box that had been left there after last night's dinner.  I would like to think that I handled it with grace and calm, but it actually kind of went down like this...

Me: AHHH!!  Um, babe?  Um, FIIIIREEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  [stares at flames and waits for Husband to do something.]

Husband:  Oh crap!!  [takes a deep breath and blows on the fire, scattering fire and cardboard all over the countertop]

Me:  DON'T BLOW ON IT!!!!  USE THE THING!!  [so articulate, I know... the "thing" was the oven mitt... I wanted him to beat the fire with it to put it out.]

Naturally he didn't understand what I was saying, but he grabs the flaming pizza box and drags it across the countertop and into the sink, leaving a trail of burning embers and ash everywhere.  Then we just kind of stood there in shock, staring at the mess everywhere.  I opened the back door, and he opened the kitchen window, trying to air out the smoke which was really thick, then we both looked up at the fire alarm which was eerily silent.  It's a scary way to learn that your fire alarm doesn't work.

Husband started cleaning up the mess, grabbing the pizza box (which was still on fire in the sink) and trying to put it in a garbage bag.  I had to remind him that he couldn't put it in the garbage bag while it was still on fire.  That would just cause more fire.  After all the fire and embers were successfully out, we started trying to clean up all the ash.  If you've ever had the misfortune to clean up ash from a countertop, it's not a fun process.  It disintegrates as soon as you touch it, and then one small flake of ash becomes a giant black smear across the counter.  It took half a roll of paper towels and the last of my kitchen cleaner to clean up the mess.  I didn't get a picture of the mess before we started cleaning it, but here's one towards the end of it.

It still smells like smoke this morning, but thankfully we didn't die, although Husband tried his hardest.

So, after saying I never have anything interesting to say on Twitter, I definitely did last night...

3am ramblings?

 Went for a mile-long jog yesterday.  Felt pretty good, considering how out of shape and overweight I am.  It rained today so I wasn't able to jog today, but I full intended to!  Intention burns, what, 1000 calories?  Good enough.

I was thinking today, while the rain was preventing me from going outside, why I decided to start this blog.  I don't mean when I ACTUALLY started it a few days ago, I mean when I actually made the account two-and-a-half years ago.  I mostly use DeviantArt for all my "journaling" needs, and there's always Twitter for status updates, although the DA community shuns using the JOURNAL as a JOURNAL (I have no idea why), and Twitter really limits you on how much you can say.

140 characters just isn't always enough to say what you want to say.  Speaking of DeviantArt, here is my latest creation that I posted there (other than, you know, me bragging about saving the world and all).

Lack of Sleep, Hallucinations, and Gearing up for the Holidays

I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night.  I got about maybe two or three hours of actual sleep time; I'm pretty sure I hallucinated for the rest of the time I spent in bed, unless there really WAS a customer in my room last night, and I was selling them things.  I know I was awake, so I'm fairly certain I wasn't dreaming it.  Although I may have dreamed the dancing unicorn earrings...  And the car in front of me on the drive home from work this afternoon definitely had a tiger's tail, so I may still be hallucinating.  Are you real?  Am I real???  Who knows...

I felt like crap this morning (may have had something to do with all the time I spent awake hallucinating last night), and the store was pretty busy.  People are really getting in gear for the holidays, most people "just looking," but quite a few buying presents already.  I don't really have many people to buy for... my mom, step-dad, husband......... that's all.  I could buy presents for my three younger half-brothers, but they are unfortunate casualties in the Cold War I'm currently fighting with my male-birth-contributor.  We haven't spoken in about 9 months, and neither one of us looks apt to back down any time soon.  I'm like 90% sure he won't try to buy me anything for Christmas, but I'm trying to think of some way to let him know I moved to a new city about 4 months ago, just in the off-chance he tries to send me something, but I don't want to give him my actual address, or talk to him.  So... not sure how I'm going to pull that off.

But the holidays should be nice either way.  Our newish apartment actually has room for a Christmas tree this year, and I plan on doing a lot of decorating with my two giant Rubbermaid tubs of Christmas decorations.  :)  Or, I may not decorate at all!  It's my apartment, so I get to decide what I do and don't do.  XD

Black Friday should be fun.  I get to work 4am til 4pm, which means I'll have to get up at 2:30am just to have enough time to shower, dress, eat breakfast, feed my fish, and drive to work.  Fun times.  But I get to spend an hour running up and down a line of about 300-600 people, getting everyone all worked up for shopping and handing out tickets for the doorbuster specials.  This will be my 7th Black Friday with the company, and my second at this store, although my first Black Friday at this store was about 4 years ago.  I move a lot... it's confusing.  :)

What are your holiday plans?  Going anywhere special, or are you stuck working like me?  The company has owned my soul every holiday since 2004.  ;)

I Heart Fishies

Today I had to go to the mall, and in between the mall and my house is this place called The Water Gardens.  They sell goldfish, koi, plants, and aquatic supplies.  Yeah, you know where this is going because I said "goldfish."

I actually convinced my husband to go there with me.  I think the only reason he agreed is because I also convinced him that I don't have any money, which I DO have money, just not enough money to do anything that would really piss him off.

So after the mall, we headed to The Water Gardens.  It was a really nice place.  Their fish were in shallow, uncovered tanks, with mesh in between the individual "tanks."  Okay scratch the word "tanks," it was really more of a shallow trough with mesh to divide the different types of fish.

But anyway, the point of this was to say that I love goldfish.  :)  And going to that place and standing over the tank-trough things, and seeing two dozen calico fantails surging to the top to say hi really warmed my heart.  :)

Now I have to go to work, because I'm poor and have to do things like that to get dollars to use to buy things like, oh I dunno, food.  Sometimes clothes.  A new pair of shoes every couple of years or so.  Well shoes are less often because I'll buy a pair of shoes and wear them for probably 5 years or more easily, whereas I go through a pair of khakis about once every 6 months.  But I'm rambling.  >.>;

K bye!

About Me, TWLOHA 2010, and a Contest Entry

Well hello there!  This is a blog that I made waaaay back in April 2009, and I've ignored it since then.  I'll probably ignore it again after this.  It's just the way I am.  But while I'm here, I might as well introduce myself.

About Me - 

My name is Ryan, and I'm a girl.  Yes, it's my first name.  No, it's not short for anything.  What would it be short for, anyway?  No, my parents didn't "really want a boy," and no, they weren't drunk/high when they named it.  And don't even try to say "But that's a boy's name!" because trust me, I don't look anything like a boy.

I like horses, cats, dogs, goldfish, various mediums and styles of art, and playing video games.  I hate cleaning, and I hate my job, but who doesn't, right?  See, even though I have a weird name, I'm a pretty normal woman.

I have two goldfish, whose names are Ponyo and Disco.  Ponyo is a red-and-white fish called a redcap oranda, although I think she might be some kind of hybrid disaster, because she is seriously deformed.  >.>;  Disco is a regular boring old every day orange oranda.  Here they are, all excited to have their pictures taken!

They are both about a year old, and I love them to death!  They're much more interactive that you would think a fish could be.  Imagine an 8-month-old puppy, but one that doesn't pee on your carpet, bark and annoy the neighbors, or wake you up in the morning by attacking your face with a nasty butt-scented tongue, and you've got goldfish!

TWLOHA 2010 -

Today is To Write Love on her Arms Day.  Yes, it's an actual day.  It's a day when you write "love" on your arm (hey, that's where they got the name from, isn't it!) and help to raise awareness of self-injury, depression, and suicide.  Here's my bit of participation:

I had a lot of fun drawing that on my arm.  Of course, I started to regret it when I realized that Dyson Zorb Carpet Cleaner only gets out BLACK permanent marker and not RED permanent marker... now my arm just hurts from scrubbing at it.  :(  And somehow I ended up with red marker all over the side of my face???   I don't even want to know how I managed that.  I don't make a habit of sticking my wrist on the side of my face.

A Contest Entry -

Lately I've been wanting to work on my coloring skills, so I entered a coloring contest on DeviantArt.  (My DeviantArt page, btw, is drawtaru.deviantart.com)  The contest is to color this line art:

Here is my completed coloration:

I learned absolutely nothing.  But it was fun.  It's always interesting to color other people's line arts.  But always give credit, and don't steal art!  >_O

Well, that's about all I've got to share!  I might post here again someday.  If I remember.

K bye!